I am going to Africa!!!!!

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I have been attending Bible School in Sweden (called Holsby- look it up, it’s an amazing place, and don’t be surprised when God calls you there!) and over Spring Break my closest friends and I have decided to go on a mission trip to South Africa.

There is one problem with all of this: we need help getting there! Can you help us? Watch the video, and if you feel called to give any money, or want more information, or anything, just email me at boyd454@hotmail.com

Thanks readers!
(I’m the one with the red headband)

Moments of Clarity

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Every now and then I feel like God gives me a brief look into the way he sees things, and if I don’t write down what I know in those moments, and if I don’t record my thoughts right away, I lose it forever; it becomes merely a memory marked by the hazy thought that God showed me something once, I just can’t remember what.

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Today, when I had one of those little realizations, I was able to write some of it down. Understandably, my small and uneducated words do not do justice to what it is I feel in my heart, and what I know is from my Father, but I will attempt to write what I came to understand.

 

While I was thinking about my relationship with the guys in my life, and what it is I truly want, I began to realize that sometimes all of that fluff and filler I talk about with them is just buying me time until I can pour out my heart to the person that I love. One of my heart’s deepest desires (that I have been able to fathom) to share my heart with someone wholly; with nothing left out, and that is a scary reality. All the flirting and giggles are just a screen that I put up so that I, and anyone in a relationship, can carefully judge  with out getting too hurt, too hurt and too vulnerable, all while having fun at the same time.

 

I think that what I am looking for is someone to engage with in in a relationship that circles around God; I want fellowship where I am secure to explore this life and what it means to truly live. I want someone who challenges me, and for me to challenge them. I wish to reap the benefits that a community with deep vulnerability brings, and the trust that comes with such a deep existence with that one person. (does any of this make sense?)

 

I am fully prepared to support whoever is opposite me in that relationship within God’s embrace. I crave the protection and leadership that a husband could give, and am willing to go through the struggles that would get us to that point of vulnerability. I understand that true love is putting the other persons needs and wants before my own. I understand the reality and ugliness that can be found in these relationships; these things that need to be endured, the trials that come, and the tests that people have to go through in a relationship are endless.

 

The ugly fear of commitment is one that covers many smaller fears; it covers the fear of vulnerability, accountability, openness with another person, and commitment. The key is knowing when and where to apply this openness and commitment and vulnerability. This all boils down to me needing to let the guy initiate and trust that he is prayerfully considering his next move, and I anyone reading this is anything like me then they will understand that waiting patiently is not something that comes easily.

 

What do you think God is telling you these days? Tune into Him, and hear what He wants to tell you.

Break Time

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For many students right now we are coming up on Exam Time. Unfortunately that means less sleep, more stress, and tons of homework. I mean, I’ll admit that it is pretty hard to relax when you have teachers throwing assignments at you from all sides, and telling you “this will go on your permanent school records, and will count towards your future,” or some statement along the lines of that. It’s about that time that I begin to freak out a little. And when that stressful time comes, I often put my bible in a corner and forget about it for a while… Even though I know that this is probably when I will need God’s steadying hand in an even bigger way.

 

And so, as exam time comes I am going to try and take a few minutes everyday, I’m think I will set aside about 20 minutes to deliberately sit quietly, pray, read my bible, journal; whatever it takes to get myself in the mindset of relying on God and to feel his strength working in me. I trust that these moments are when I do my best, all because God is with me. 

Enemy Of God?

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Is that what I am? An enemy of God? I must ask myself what went wrong when I choose the ways of the world over my maker. In the Book of James it says: “You should know that loving the world is the same as hating God. Anyone who wants to be a friend of the world becomes God’s enemy.” As scary as it is to admit it, I must then ‘hate’ the Lord. When I realized this, my first thought was “alright, I guess this means that to hate the world is to love God,” but once again, I realized that I was in the wrong; although it took a lot of frustration, prayer and time for me to understand what the problem was. 


During the process of hating the world I found myself becoming miserable. I was disgusted with society, the media, North American lifestyle, and the life entirely; but as I moved along with this resolution to hate the world things got worse and worse. I stopped talking with God; worship songs no longer held meaning, hope was lost, and I found myself in a place where things were going from bad to worse. The word “meaningless” took on a whole new form in my life; it played a role that it had never played for me before. Only by the help a friend (and of course the grace of God) was I able to get off of my knees, and back onto my feet with a little bit of love as my solid ground.


Love.


Love. 


Where had love gone?


I need love.


I need the love of God.


Love begins coming back into my life; with it comes contentment once again. Contentment that I wrote about a few posts before this one. I find that little things no longer shake my world, and I find myself turning to God once again with my troubles. I ask myself the question: Which friendship am I choosing? One with god? Or one with the world? To have both is not possible.