Moments of Clarity

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Every now and then I feel like God gives me a brief look into the way he sees things, and if I don’t write down what I know in those moments, and if I don’t record my thoughts right away, I lose it forever; it becomes merely a memory marked by the hazy thought that God showed me something once, I just can’t remember what.

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Today, when I had one of those little realizations, I was able to write some of it down. Understandably, my small and uneducated words do not do justice to what it is I feel in my heart, and what I know is from my Father, but I will attempt to write what I came to understand.

 

While I was thinking about my relationship with the guys in my life, and what it is I truly want, I began to realize that sometimes all of that fluff and filler I talk about with them is just buying me time until I can pour out my heart to the person that I love. One of my heart’s deepest desires (that I have been able to fathom) to share my heart with someone wholly; with nothing left out, and that is a scary reality. All the flirting and giggles are just a screen that I put up so that I, and anyone in a relationship, can carefully judge  with out getting too hurt, too hurt and too vulnerable, all while having fun at the same time.

 

I think that what I am looking for is someone to engage with in in a relationship that circles around God; I want fellowship where I am secure to explore this life and what it means to truly live. I want someone who challenges me, and for me to challenge them. I wish to reap the benefits that a community with deep vulnerability brings, and the trust that comes with such a deep existence with that one person. (does any of this make sense?)

 

I am fully prepared to support whoever is opposite me in that relationship within God’s embrace. I crave the protection and leadership that a husband could give, and am willing to go through the struggles that would get us to that point of vulnerability. I understand that true love is putting the other persons needs and wants before my own. I understand the reality and ugliness that can be found in these relationships; these things that need to be endured, the trials that come, and the tests that people have to go through in a relationship are endless.

 

The ugly fear of commitment is one that covers many smaller fears; it covers the fear of vulnerability, accountability, openness with another person, and commitment. The key is knowing when and where to apply this openness and commitment and vulnerability. This all boils down to me needing to let the guy initiate and trust that he is prayerfully considering his next move, and I anyone reading this is anything like me then they will understand that waiting patiently is not something that comes easily.

 

What do you think God is telling you these days? Tune into Him, and hear what He wants to tell you.

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Definition: Christian

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Lately, I have become quite irritated with some of the ‘lingo’ that ‘Christians’ use. Especially that word… “Christians.” When people say “I’m a Christian too,” what is that supposed to mean? As if we are all set apart? Is there something that makes us better than others because we are Christians? In fact, there is nothing in the bible (or anywhere for that matter) that says “a Christian is a better person.” In the same way, I must ask: Who decides what is better? What is the standard for being a better person, and who are we to judge? Truthfully, the way we use this term nowadays seems to create a barrier, and widen the gap that has already been created. There is a stigma that seems to be attached to this word which does negative things, rather than positive things for us. 


The word “Christian” actually means ‘Christ-one,’ It implies that we belong to Christ, and that we believe that we have been welcomed into his family by accepting the grace that he offers, and if we ask he will ‘forgive us of our transgressions,’ or very literally ‘wipe the slate clean’ for us. It is our way of saying that we are his. As a ‘Christ-One’ we are called to be like Jesus; to love, serve and forgive as he did, but by saying that we are Christians it somewhat defeats the purpose of all of this. It creates a misconception that we are not equal; this is where society gets the ideas that Christians are all delusional, and think they are better than others, which is really not true. 


The next thing that I have to ask is this: why do we do this? and it took me a while to realize such a simple answer; we are afraid. Truly, we are afraid to lower ourselves to the sinful status of others. Although, its the human thing to do. We don’t want them to realize that we are just as disobedient as another person. By broadcasting that we are Christians we think we are giving ourselves an upper edge; painting the picture that Christians have it all together, and have their lives on track. But I will personally be the first to testify that my life is not on track. It strays off-track quite a bit in fact, and I am constantly having to turn to my Father to help me get it ‘back on track.’

 

James 1:22-25– Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a mean who looks at his face in a mirror and after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do this not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it-he will be blessed in what he does.

Order In The Court

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Whether it is a stranger passing by, an acquaintance, or our own best friends, we are guilty of judging others. It is a daily habit; one that has been formatted into our lives from the very beginning. When I distance myself and survey the feelings and thoughts that run through my head I feel astounded that I could be so hateful. When did it become my responsibility to decide what is right and what is wrong for these people? Truthfully, it hasn’t become my responsibility and never will. Yet I take it upon my shoulders to carefully critique the words and actions of others; people who are just trying to live their everyday lives. The way people dress, the way they act, and the way they speak will all fall prey to my terribly judgemental human ways.

 

I disgust myself by creating the idea that I am a good person when, in fact, I am the complete opposite. I am good on my own terms, and because of that I judge others on the basis and guidelines that I have created for myself. I am good in the way that I have created ‘good’ to be in my head. Yet only God is good. He, the Creator and Holy One, will judge fairly, with the mercy of a loving God.Who am I to decide that because certain people act or speak they way that they do that it is not good enough? When did it occur that everyone should act, think, speak, and do as I do? I judge by the ways of the world; the confused and highly prejudiced ways of the world. But our loving God, who has filled my heart is helping me see what is wrong with my ways. He is showing me little by little what it means to love others, rather than see them through the delusional eyes that I call my own.

 

James 2:12 – 13

 So whatever you say or whatever you do, remember that you will be judged by the law that sets you free. There will be no mercy for those who have not shown mercy to others. But if you have been merciful, God will be merciful when he judges you.

Enemy Of God?

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Is that what I am? An enemy of God? I must ask myself what went wrong when I choose the ways of the world over my maker. In the Book of James it says: “You should know that loving the world is the same as hating God. Anyone who wants to be a friend of the world becomes God’s enemy.” As scary as it is to admit it, I must then ‘hate’ the Lord. When I realized this, my first thought was “alright, I guess this means that to hate the world is to love God,” but once again, I realized that I was in the wrong; although it took a lot of frustration, prayer and time for me to understand what the problem was. 


During the process of hating the world I found myself becoming miserable. I was disgusted with society, the media, North American lifestyle, and the life entirely; but as I moved along with this resolution to hate the world things got worse and worse. I stopped talking with God; worship songs no longer held meaning, hope was lost, and I found myself in a place where things were going from bad to worse. The word “meaningless” took on a whole new form in my life; it played a role that it had never played for me before. Only by the help a friend (and of course the grace of God) was I able to get off of my knees, and back onto my feet with a little bit of love as my solid ground.


Love.


Love. 


Where had love gone?


I need love.


I need the love of God.


Love begins coming back into my life; with it comes contentment once again. Contentment that I wrote about a few posts before this one. I find that little things no longer shake my world, and I find myself turning to God once again with my troubles. I ask myself the question: Which friendship am I choosing? One with god? Or one with the world? To have both is not possible.

Love Is All We Need

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Fervent love: means to love one another passionately, enthusiastically, eagerly, and excitedly; with out holding anything back.

When I think about it, I realise that our world lacks fervent love. Our world has lost its love; the love that never fails, love that always forgives, and love that sees past all of the mistakes and the masks. Where did it all go? Is it gone forever from our society? I’d like to think that fervent love isn’t gone, that it still remains in our heart, even though it may not be in our actions.

If there is nothing more powerful than love (like is says in the bible), than imagine the things that can be accomplished by just a small amount of love shown by everyone. Think of it this way; if life were a patchwork quit, and our love was the colours in the quilt, the quit that represents the world is as brown as dirt. But the moment that we show even the tiniest speck of love it influences others, and slowly the colours get brighter and brighter, until one day all that is left is the most beautiful quit in the world. Its cheesy I know, but look at the analogy for the message, rather than the story itself.

What if everyone took it upon himself or herself daily to show at least three people our love; what if we were to spread  the love like the Beatles taught us to do. Or better yet, what if we all chose to not just show love, but to actually love. What if we took it so far as to remove the hate from our lives? My hope that theses aren’t just rhetorical questions that are falling on deaf ears, but that maybe readers would actually consider this.

Try it: hold open a door, lend a hand, and give without expecting back. Go against the norms of society and love fervently.

Romans 12:10 – Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honouring one another.

1 Peter 1:22 – You were cleansed from your sins when you obeyed the truth, so now you must show sincere love to each other as brothers and sisters. Love each other deeply with all your heart.

Here we go…!

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Yay! My first post! Who would have ever thought that I would start a blog?  And yet here I am. I wonder who will read this (if anybody)? I will probably just post things that are on my mind or happening in my life to begin with. We will see what happens from there. So to start, I’ll write down what is going on in my brain; I will try and sort it out as best as I can, but most times I can’t even make sense of what goes on up there, but here it goes!

Thought One: Motivation? Where does it come from, and why isn’t it permanent? I swear that it’s a drug of some sort; but a positive one that helps people. You can never go wrong with motivation. Sadly, unlike the majority of drugs, it can’t be bought (and what a sad thing that is… if anyone figures out a way to bottle up motivation – let me know!!). But for some reason motivation is like time: people can never seem to get enough of it, and it is very elusive! I envy the people who motivation comes easily to.

Thought Two: What is the meaning of life? It’s cliche, but I actually want to know. Have you ever had one of those thoughts that seems to resonate in your brain for quite a while? This is definitely one of those thoughts. When I wake up, this thought is there; while I fall asleep, my brain is pelted with similar thoughts. I have to wonder what God is trying to tell me, or what it is that he wants me to figure out. After a good solid month of this I am almost at my wits’ end.  I wonder if I am the only one out there wondering this, or if others have thoughts along these lines. 

Hawk Nelson sums up how I feel fairly well:

Gonna find a new beginning
Lately tired of the life I’m livin
Find a way to make a change
In the lives of all of us who need
To find the meaning of life

Thought Three: Is it possible to feel such contentment? Even with all of the above things running around in my head I can help but feel a peace as I go about my daily tasks.  I feel a little bit of a loss for words for how to describe the thoughts and emotions inside me; peace, settled, satisfied, fulfilled. I sing with a joy for my Father above that I have never known before, and there is no hindrance in my way. He is my light, and what gets me though my hard days. Silent prayers of thankfulness and worship float through my head. My subconscious being praises Him, and I never want this feeling to stop. Will He ever stop astounding me? I surely hope not.